Just a Childhood Hating Parody: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
by Godzilla2915
Summary: The second Childhood hating Parody. I decided to make a few more of these to see how you will like them. Achmed the Dead Terrorist plays as Dorothy and the Coco la Bouche plays as the Wicked Witch. Read and probably laugh as your childhood dies.
1. Chapter 1

**Childhood Hating Parody**: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

**Chapter 1**

In a theater, the large red curtain remains close. But then someone came out. It was Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

"Greeting Infidels!" said Achmed as the audience goes crazy. "It is I, Achmed the Dead Terrorist!" He began showing off his outfit. "Look, I'm a woman again!" The audience laughed seeing Achmed dressed as Dorothy.

"Welcome to the second installment of _Just a Childhood Hating Parody_, this one is quite different. With this one, we are going to go easy on the sex and violence ….. Ha ha ha, just kidding, possibly!"

(More laughter)

"Now, just like the last one; each character is played as someone else who will be dressed like them, but we are going to go by our actual name. There will also not be a list yet because the author just makes most of this stuff as he goes along. Also we are not going to advertise for the author's current fan-fiction. I mean come-on! Look at those Death Masks. Disney gonna sue them! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Then Achmed notice that all of the audiences are in-deed Death Masks. "Uhhhhhhhh just kidding again!"

"Anyway, we now go on…" But then someone interrupt.

"When will the film start?" asked Rock, a fat and short tribal Death Mask. "This is not a movie theater!" Then someone else asked something. "Are you a terrorist?" asked Stick, a tall and skinny tribal Death Mask. "Are you even listening?!"

Then one more person asked something. "Will the fourth wall shatter?" asked Scouter #52, who had an upside down triangular mask with a darker tone of white people skin, crazy black hair, round eyes with green dots for pupils, x shaped mouth, and black raptor like claws and feet.

"You shut up you worthless characters! I'm talking to you right now so yes, now calm down or go get keeled!"

So after it became silent again, Achmed continued. "Ahum, we now go into a world with cheap colors, to an area called Kansas, an infidel land! In a small farm with flat land that will no doubt cause any storm like problems, lived a little girl. I think she's little. I don't recall an age."

(The curtain opens)

Achmed is running down a dirt road with his dog, Princess Peach (Who is dressed normally. No nudity with her. Like you wanna tap that while she calls out Mario.) "I can't believe that lousy witch hit you like that! And you just took it! Be a man and fight you cow!" Peach then used her butt attack and slammed Achmed right to his aunt and uncle. "Hey Uncle Monkey! Coco hit my dog Peach!"

Uncle Monkey, the one from _Dexter Laboratory_, just mad monkey shrieks while pounding the ground. "Oh oh ah ah eh eh!" Then Achmed's Aunt Cow from _Cow and Chicken_ said, "We can't do anything right now, we have to get my big brother's babies somewhere safe. I heard a big storm is coming."

From one of the cages, "Hey Cow, let me out!" Cow answered, "Ohhh Big brother, Mom told you to stay in that cage since that little accident with the hen! But I guess I could, if you tell me what exactly happened. Nobody will tell me!"

Seeing his aunt and uncle are useless; Achmed seek help from three of the farms employees. There was Patrick the dumbass, Optimus Prime the Transformer, and Garfield the cat.

"Hey Patrick, Coco was attacking…" But then Patrick grabbed Achmed and started shaking him. "Scarecrow, scarecrow, scarecrow!" He let Achmed go and walked away. Feeling awkward, Achmed asked Garfield for help. "Garfield, Co…." Then Ganon attacked him. He then marked Achmed off his list of who to attack. He had already marked off Link, Zelda, Bowser, Jiggilypuff, Al-Qaida, Mississippi River, the Loch Ness Monster, Obama, and finally Romney.

Garfield pulled him out and said, "Get me food! Lion's hungry ….. Liiiiiionnnnnnn!"

Cow came over and started complaining. "I'm gonna tell mom that you three aren't working." She turned to Optimus. "And stop playing The Statue of Library." Optimus then said, "Tin Man."

Achmed asked Cow for help again. "I'm telling you Aunt Cow, Coco la Bouche is gonna keel Peach." Cow patted Achmed on the head. "Go away and play somewhere safe."

She left Achmed. Achmed turned to Peach and said, "Safe, where can that be?"

(Play Music)

"Somewhere… over the rainbow, way up high…..something something lullaby."

Down the road came the villain of this play, Coco la Bouche. The child hating villain from _Rugrats in Japan, I mean Paris_, came riding on her old fashion bike and stopped at the farm. She walked to Uncle Monkey. "You poo throwing ape, your niece's dog bit me on the leg after I started pulling her hair!"

Uncle Monkey only screeched. "Talk to me you sad ape!" Monkey continued to screech. "I have a note here about American Law and-" Monkey refuse to stop. "Ughhh."

Then all went inside to hear Coco's complaint. "That dog of yours is a menace to society. I came to take her away so the sheriff can destroy her!" Achmed began worrying for his dog. "Aunt Cow, she's not dangerous. Heck she just sits there as she gets kidnap."

Coco took out a slip, "This piece of paper I wrote say that it's the law to have such a disgusting animal. If you don't do as I say, I'll take this whole farm." Achmed said, "Come on Lady, farms are getting less money every year."

Cow shook her head. "Well if you wrote a paper saying that the law says to hand over the Dog, I guess I have too."

Uncle Monkey took Peach and put her inside Coco's basket. "Mario, help!" Achmed became so made and hurt. "You dirty old witch! Witch, Witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch, witch!"

Achmed ran out. Cow stood up and said, "You've been in charge of most of the town for many years! I always wanted to say this but, I can't because my mom and dad won't let me."

"How old are you?" asked Coco.

Later on; when Coco was heading to the sheriff, Peach noticed that she could easily escape the basket. But instead of just hopping out, she only called out Mario to save her. "Mario, help!"

Coco started complaining, "Shut up princess! Once I take you to the sheriff he'll put you to sleep. He's a Nazi; so your only hope is to be ether blonde, blue eyed, or both."

When Coco notice that Peach is both, she stopped. "I did not think this through." While Coco was thinking, Peach noticed a trail of mushrooms alongside the road. Knowing that Mario uses mushrooms for health, she followed them in hopes of seeing Mario.

At the farm; Achmed was planning on revenge. "I know; I'll hire someone to rape her! No wait, she's ugly and cold hearted to kids and blonde women."

Then Princess Peach jumped through the window. "Peach you're safe!" He hugged Peach. "Wait a minute; Coco will come back and I haven't thought of a good enough plan to keel her! We had to run away until I come up with something!"

So the two ran off in hope of finding a way to kill the evil child-hating Coco La Bouche, while crossing a bridge, someone sneezed, which caused Achmed and Peach to fall off. They landed in a small creek filled with craw daddies. "Hey who sneezed!?"

Achmed looked at the audience. Stick raised his hand. "Me, sorry!" Achmed starred at Stick, then slowly looked away, but then looked again. After repeating this two more times and Peach being pinched. (Again, nothing sexual going on for her.) They found an old fortune teller with a wagon. The fortune teller was played by Fry from Futurama. "Hey I'm roasting wieners!" he laughed.

Achmed walked to him. "You're a fortune teller! Can you tell me when my seventy-two virgins will come?"

Fry looked at Achmed. "Hold on; what did you do last?" Achmed answered, "I ran away from home." Fry began feeling his head. "I know why you are traveling …. You are delivering pizza." Achmed got angry at Fry. "You idiot!"

So after Fry guessed the twentieth time and go right that Achmed and Peach are running away, he invited them into his wagon. Yes it's a pigsty.

"You shouldn't be running away, I had a vision that one of your family member will die." Achmed gasped. "You mean Aunt Cow?" Fry answered, "No, all of them, a twister's coming. Saw it on the news."

"Oh no, Aunt … wait a minute. I don't recall there being any televisions back then!" Fry then bolted out. "Lousy hobo not paying attention to time period."

So Achmed and Peach ran back home to save Aunt Cow. Fry, hiding on top of the wagon; saw the twister forming. "Well I guess they're dead. Well that girl's already dead, but not the blonde chick!"

Fry jumped off. "Come my trusty horse companion; pull the wagon to get us to the blonde chick!" After some thought, Fry finally realized that he never had a horse.

Back at the farm; everyone was getting the animals and themselves to safety. Aunt Cow was looking for Achmed. "Achmed, Achmed oh where are you!" She then saw the twister. "Oh no, the seventy-fifth twister we had this week!" Optimus Prime then said, "She's serious, that's very likely in the Great Plains."

They all got into their underground safe house; right before Achmed and Peach came back. "Aunt Cow, Aunt Cow! I know; the safe house!" Achmed ran to the safe house and started banging on the door. "Hey, can you hear me? Open up!"

Inside, whey all heard Achmed. Uncle Monkey tried to open the door, but Patrick stopped him. "Are you mad?! That could be the tornado trying to trick us!"

Seeing that they won't open; Achmed and Peach ran inside the house. Peach knew that the tornado will just tear the house apart, she started barking at Achmed. "Hey what else can we do?"

Achmed was then whacked by a window and landed right on his bed, out-cold. Peach only just starred by how convenient he just landed on his bed.

What will happen to them on their journey? Our story will stop here for now. If it was like the first Child hood hating parody, the next chapter will probably be posted a month later due to the Cross-Over Crystals story or college, most likely college.

(Curtains close)

All the Death Mask started clapping. "We may have to wait a whole month?" asked #52. "Well it could be worst." said Stick. "Yeah, we could have listened to more of Uncle's monkey's bad acting!"

#52 looked at Rock. "What on Earth are you talking about? He's a monkey." Rock and stick shook their heads. "You think that, come on!" said Rock. "He's no monkey! Monkeys are supposed to eat bananas. Did you see a banana anywhere?" asked Stick. #52 only face-palmed himself.

**End of Chapter**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Achmed awaken, he saw Peach licking his face. "Get off me Dog!" He pushed Peach away and looked out the window. "Is the twister carrying our entire house?!" He sees all the animals and building flying around. "This is impossible! The twister was supposed to tear everything apart, including that cow!"

Ached then sees his friends and family flying by. He saw Aunt Cow flying by sitting on a rocking chair while knitting. "Aunt Cow, look where the Hell you are?! You are being carried by an f**king twisters. He then sees Optimus Prime and Patrick rowing a boat. "What the F**k?"

Last but not least; he saw Coco La Bouche riding on her bike. "Ahhh, Peach hide! You're still wanted by the F.B.I.!" Then Coco turned into a wicked old witch riding a motor cycle. "Alright Peach, what's in that cake!?"

The house suddenly landed. "The house survived the land, what else can happen!?"

Achmed and Peach opened the door to see where they are at. They saw that they were somewhere else. They see plants, ponds, small buildings, and bridges. "What the Hell is this?! Everything here ….. what sort of grey shades are these!?"

Achmed was only shocked by the colors. "What witchcraft is this?! Everything's shades of grey are something else. I think I will call them _colors_."

Peach barked why colors? "Well it's not the same name as my first love that I don't cry everyday about ever since she dumped me for an infidel!"

They entered a village, then Achmed said with no effort of acting, "I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore."

(Everyone booed.)

"Now that was not acting you two." #52 said to Stick and Rock.

Back to the play; Achmed then sees a bubble. It grew larger and larger until someone appeared. It was the Good Witch of the North, played by Gandolf the Grey. "…Seriously Peach, what was in that cake?"

Gandolf cleared his throat. "You must be the new witch that smashed the wicked witch with the house." Achmed looked and saw feet sticking out from under his house. "I don't believe it, I actually keeled an infidel for once! I'm not a disgrace anymore!"

Gandolf called out; "Children, this witch has saved you. This is your new heroine!"

"Hey I'm no drug!" stated Achmed. "But I believe Peach has some."

Different children form multiple-shows, movies, and games came out from hiding. "What the Hell's happening?" asked Achmed. Gandolf started singing about Achmed smashing a house on the wicked old witch. "Gandolf's not supposed to sing! Can someone tell me what's going on?"

They grabbed Achmed and forced him into a sleigh. "Ahh, I'm being kidnapped!" They rode Achmed around as the children still sings. "I got to get out!"

Achmed jumped off the sleigh and ran off, but everywhere he ran to, he only see more children singing. "Get away from me infidel kids!" He kept on trying to find a safe spot, but he ran into the mayor, kids that represent the Lullaby league. "What the F**k!" and the Lollipop Kin. "Help me Allah! If you do, I'll promise to blow up more people like you _never_ told us to!"

As the children were about to finish their song, a cloud appeared, scarring everyone. Then Coco La Bouche came as a witch. Achmed asked Gandolf, "You lied to me you old fart! You said I keeled her!" Gandolf then said, "You only killed the Witch of the East, she's her older sister the one from West. She's much worst."

Achmed asked, "Then wouldn't me keeling her sister makes things worst? She looks pissed and … Coco?"

While kicking the children, Coco asked, "Who killed my sister?" Everyone pointed to Achmed. "You dirty pile of bones!" Achmed hid behind Gandolf. "Wicked Witch, aren't you forgetting the ruby slippers?"

Coco answered, "The slippers my awful mother gave to my little sister? They're mine!" She was about to take the slippers, but they vanished and her sister's feet curled up and went under the house. "What happened ….. to my sister's feet!?"

Gandolf answered, "The Ruby Slippers are right here." He showed her that the slippers are on Achmed's feet. "Ooooooh, sparkly!"

The Witch became furious. "Give me those slippers or else I'll kill you!" Achmed screamed and took off the slippers. "Here take them!"

So Coco took the slippers and laughed evilly. "I now have the ruby slippers! Soon I will be President of … no seriously, what happened to my sister's feet?"

Peach bit Coco and gave the slippers back to Achmed. "Achmed, keep the slippers, they have a powerful magic!" Achmed awed in amazement. "Can they get me home?" asked Achmed. "NO!" shouted Gandolf while threatening to kill him.

Coco became angry. "Rrrrrrr, I may not get those slippers here, but don't worry I'll not stop! I'll get them my pretty and your little dog too!" She laughed while disappearing. "She thinks I'm pretty?" asked Achmed.

Achmed looked at Gandolf. "Now what?" Ganodolf answered, "If you want to go home, then the wizard of Oz might help you."

"Wizard of Oz, is he good or wicked? Or is he a real wizard or just a phony?"

"SILENCE!" shouted Gandolf. "Hey that's my catchphrase!" complained Achmed.

Gandolf told him to go to Coal City. "How do I get there?" asked Achmed. Gandolf didn't answer but instead disappeared in his bubble. "Hey get the Hell back here!"

Achmed got pissed. "Stupid Manlady! Now how are we going to get to the Wizard?" All the children came to him. "Follow the yellow brick road. It will take you to the wizard!"

Achmed looked down and saw the yellow brick road leading out of the village. "This is great Peach, now let's go!" They started walking out of the village, but the children stopped them. "What the Hell do you think you are doing?" asked one of the kids.

"Hey you told me to follow this road." said Achmed. "No no no, you have to start right at the swirl!" They all pointed at the center. "Why would I do that? It's pointless."

The children did not approve. "Do it ….." Achmed shook his head no as Peach became scared. "No, and why would I listen to a bunch of kids?" The children looked at each other. "Some of us are of the corn."

Achmed and Peach immediately ran to the center and start following the yellow brick road. "We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Because because because because becaussssssssse, ….. ehhhhhhhhhhh?"

Achmed had an idea. "Wait, what if I keel the Wizard, then I'll get all his magic!"

"We're off to keel the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"

So Achmed and Peach skipped along the yellow brick road to get to the Wizard of Oz so they can keel him and get his magic.

"Heyyyyyyy, isn't this the same plot to the last Childhood Hating Parody?" asked Stick. "Say you have a point there." said #52. "Also I notice some characters from the same sources in the last one." said Rock.

Back to the play; Achmed and Peach came to a fork in the road at a corn field. "Hey those kids ripped us off!" said Achmed.

"Hey hey, are you lost!?" asked someone. "Who said that?" asked Achmed as Peach barks. They looked around and only saw a scarecrow. "Well it's obviously not the scarecrow. Now let's see." They continued to look around. "Hey I'm up here."

They looked at the scarecrow and found that it was the one talking. "AAAAAaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh, possessed scarecrow!" cried Achmed. He took out a flamethrower to try burning him to kingdom come. "Oh no, fire!" The scare crow barely got off his pole and run around the field.

As Achmed chased the scarecrow, he also was burning the entire corn field. He pissed off the farmer, the farmer's employees, and one employee humping the farmer's daughter, who's uuuuuuuuuuglyyyyyy!"

"Hey you deflowered my girl!" said the farmer. He started chasing the employee. The employee started running with the scarecrow and the farmer started running with Achmed.

"Hey you're burning my farm!" shouted the farmer. So he began chasing Achmed around. "Ah, crazy farmer! Hey I live on a farm too!"

The scarecrow and the employee notice they weren't being chased. "Well that's there a reli….. ah the scarecrow's alive!" So the employee started chasing the scarecrow, until the scarecrow started fighting back with a rubber chicken.

So after a long and dangerous chase, Achmed and the Scarecrow meet up at the fork after everything was burned to ashes, including the farmer, the employees, and the ugly daughter.

"So scarecrow, how come you ….. Patrick?"

Patrick cleared his throat, "The name's Scarecrow." said Patrick being snooty. "Yeah I'm just going to call you Patrick, so why are you working here?"

Patrick got sad. "Because I failed elementary school because… uh …. Uh …. Uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Achmed got annoyed by Patrick. "What the matter, no brain?" asked Achmed. "That's it! I'm a scarecrow, and I'm terrible at it. I can only scare away black birds."

Achmed and Peach starred. "Well Patrick, what will you do if you had a brain?"

Patrick started singing. "I will squeak, squawk, and squeal; until I can do more. If I only had a …. Uh … uh …. Uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Achmed and Peach looked at each other. "Hey how about you come with us, we're going to keel a wizard. When I get his magic, I'll just give you a brain."

Patrick started hopping with joy. "Patrick happy!" Achmed then asked, "Hey if you're made of hay, how can it hold your body like bones?"

So Achmed, Peach, and Patrick started skipping along to a randomly chosen path to see the Wizard. No seriously, Dorothy didn't know which way to go, and the scarecrow couldn't decide. Did anyone else catch this?

While they were walking; Coco was watching them, until she left. I don't know why she was there. Did she pay the trees to be dicks or something? Speaking of trees, Achmed found some apple trees. "Great, some apples for Peach."

He was about to pick some apples until, "Hey, they do not belong to you!" shouted the tree that was …. Seriously, Wispy Woods?

"Hey what's the big deal? I thought fruit bearing trees want animals to carry their seed bearing fruits off and eat them. Then the seeds will either be dropped there to grow, of get swallowed. But once they pass the body, they will be inside the droppings that will be used as fertilizers, which will help them grow." said Achmed.

"Good point." said Wispy.

So after Wispy gave them some apples, they skipped along until they found a familiar robot. "Optimus Prime? He's been recycled!"

Yes, Optimus was not looking his best. He was trying to say something, but couldn't get the words out. "Maybe he's just shy." said Patrick.

Achmed then notice an oil can nearby. "He's just rusty." Achmed asked where he wants to be oiled first, but then. "Duh the mouth."

"But he doesn't have a mouth." pointed out Patrick. "It's covered by some metal plate."

(Your welcome)

They oil his mouth and he started to talk. "Who have given me the ability to speak, thank you!" said Optimus. "His voice is awesome!" said Patrick.

"Yes it is, not let's see if Godzilla2915 know enough about Transformers to get Optimus right." said Achmed.

"I have no heart and those trees pure water on me." said Optimus. "He does not." said Achmed.

Optimus was about to fall; Achmed, Peach, and Patrick tried to catch him, they were then smashed to death.

**The en** … wait we already did alternate ending jokes in the first one.

They were smashed like a Looney Tune. After pumping themselves up, they asked about his heart. "I just don't have one. I can't weep, slop …."

"Don't you DARE SING!" demanded Achmed. "How about you come with us for the Hell of it? The Wizard will probably give you one." said Achmed. Optimus agreed to come along and they started singing along down the yellow brick road.

But then Coco La Bouche appeared on an old cottage. "Not so fast …." But she noticed that she just missed them. "Ahhh, not again!" Smoke appeared and she vanished. But she actually jumped off the cottage, looked at the audience awkwardly, and walked away.

Our heroes found themselves in a dark forest. "Be careful, there could be lions, tigers, or bears!" warned Optimus. "Oh my!" said Patrick.

"Hold on, we all know that one of things will just come and eat us. So let's just wait here till one come."

They then hear complaining. "Hey keep it quiet, I'm dreaming of food." They then saw Garfield sleeping in his bed.

"Garfield the cat?" asked Achmed. Garfield got off. "Hey I'm a lion!" Patrick then asked. "A cowardly lion?" Garfield yawned. "No, just a hungry one." Peach started barking at Garfield, but he stratched her in the face.

They all looked at each other. "Why?" asked Achmed. "I don't have food here." He answered. "Well we're going to see the Wizard, he'll give you something to eat." said Achmed.

"Alright, but I don't want to walk. Have a car?" They all looked at Optimus. "I don't have the heart to care to transform."

"I'm out." said Garfield as he climbs back into bed.

"Now hold on there, what's more of a pain? Not sleeping, or not eating?" Garfield thought about Achmed's question. "You got me there. Let's see the Wizard."

Now the team is complete! They skipped along singing We're Off to Keel the Wizard. "Hold on, kill?" asked Garfield. "Yeah, I'll steal his magic." answered Achmed.

"Do you think that will work?" asked Optimus. " ….. no."

"Well I guess we just have to ask them our demands." said Patrick. "Wait, he won't just give us our wishes." pointed Garfield.

They all looked at Achmed. "What, Gandolf said that he'll help me get home." His friends looked at one another. "Is there a price?" asked Garfield. "Wow, I never thought of that." answered Achmed. "The prices for our demands have to be sky high! A trip home, a brain, a heart, and food for a cat."

"Lion."

**End of Chapter**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

At Coco's castle, the old witch and her trusty sidekick, no not the one in the movie, but Cosmo the Fairy, were watching our heroes exiting the forest with a T.V. that still has a VHS player. You remember what a VHS is? Darn whippersnappers and their downloads! "I will kill them now and I'll become the President of ReptarLand!"

She took out a potion. "I'll poison the flowers to poison them!" Cosmo took the potion and drank it. "You American fairy idiot, what are you doing!?" she asked while twitching.

"Hey I was thirsty. Magic is hard work!" Cosmo then fainted.

"Auhhhhhh!" she took out another potion and poured it on the T.V. "Flowers ….. flowers …." (Microsoft word won't help me spell papys.)

Our heroes exited the forest and say Coal City. But Achmed wasn't paying attention to how the city looks. "Hey guys … before meeting Garfield, did any of you notice in the forest that someone hanged themselves?"

Patrick and Optimus looked at each other. "I saw a bird." said Patrick. "Actually I do recall seeing something similar." said Optimus. "No it was a bird!" argued Patrick. "Suicidal dead person." said Optimus. "You know I think I saw that person at the try out for this play." said Achmed.

They eventually stop and ran through the flower field. But then Peach and Garfield started feeling sleepy, well Garfield already feel asleep. "Time for a fifth nap." He and Peach curled up on the ground.

"Oh this is terrible, it must be that wicked wizard." said Patrick. "Witch!" yelled Coco while banging the T.V. "Did you hear banging and the ground shaking?" asked Optimus. "Da what?" asked Coco.

"Hey we got to get these guys up!" said Achmed. "Hey why aren't you sleeping?" asked Patrick. "I'm dead you moron!"

They tried pulling the animals up, but didn't have the strength. "Hey Opitmus, you're the size of a freakin house! Why the hell are you useless at lifting?!" asked Achmed.

Just then Gandolf came and pour a bucket of ice on the animals. "Done." He walked away. The animals started waking up.

"Curses, Gandolf ruined my promotion!" cried Coco. Cosmo turned into a monkey. "But I'll get those slippers!" Cosmo asked. "Why do women needs more than one pair of shoes?" Coco slapped Cosmo. "That's a stupid question!"

"No it's not." said Achmed looking through the T.V. "Hey you cannot see us! Get out!" yelled Coco.

Achmed looked at Coal City. "Wow, what a dump!" Coal City it pretty much looks exactly like Emerald City, only made of coal. They started skipping along toward the city while the background singers sing.

Meanwhile at the Castle; wait, couldn't they have this scene and the last witch scene together. Seems kind of pointless, but anyway Coco jumped on her flying motor cycle. She started her motor cycle. "Time for a trip to Coal City!" Then her motor cycle stopped. She looked at the gas meter and saw that it was on E. "Who was the last person that borrowed my bike!?"

Cosmo raised his hand.

"Why didn't you refill it before you got back? I demand money from you, I can't just but in my hard earned money while you just us it for your own joy!"

Back with the good guys, they walked to the main door and shouted at the background singers. They rung the door bell and form a mini door thing came out Roxas. "Hi …"

The heroes notice he didn't seem in a good mood. "What is the matter?" asked Optimus. Then Roxas slashed the robot in the face! "You somehow took the role I was made for! I have no heart!"

After pulling Roxas off, Achmed told him that they came to see the wizard. "Sorry, nobody is allowed to see him. I haven't even seen him."

"Then how do you even know if he's real?" asked Achmed. "Have you seen Santa Claus and still get presents?" asked Roxas. "Tushay." said Achmed. I spelled that correctly, right? I think there was supposed to be a ` in there but I have no idea how to put it over a letter.

But then Achmed showed Roxas the ruby slippers. "Gandolf told me to come see him." Roxas lighten up. "Well that's a ticket in, but is there some origin to those slippers?"

"Actually no." said Achmed.

While still wondering what the ruby slippers are for or what it's actually role was, Roxas let them all in and disappeared for some reason.

Then the sleigh carrier came who is ….. Roxas? "Wait, aren't you the door man?" asked Achmed. "No, I'm the sleigh rider."

Achmed notice the animal pulling the sleigh. "Hey did that horse change color?" Roxas answered. "Yes, its mother was a chameleon."

So Roxas took them to a public bath. Not a pretty picture inside. When they came out, Garfield had a bow. I don't want to go into any more detail.

Everyone was singing happily until people started pointing at the sky. Coco was riding her motor cycle to create a sky message or whatever the correct term is.

When she was going to write Achmed's name, she realized something. "I don't recall ever learning that skeleton's name." So she just wrote something else.

_Surrender skeleton drag-queen_

Everyone was pointing up at the message form the witch. "Who's this skeleton? Let's asked the wizard. Let's assume it's that skeleton with the blonde girl for a dog."

They all ran toward the wizard's home, but a guard was blocking their way played by ….. Roxas again. "O.K. the wizard will take care of this, just leave somewhere."

After they all left, our heroes asked the guard if they can see the wizard. "Excuse me … oh not you again!"

Roxas told them to just get out. "But we can't; she's the drag queen." Patrick pointed at Achmed waving. "Well I guess I should ask the wizard about this, just wait here and sing a pointless song."

Well now I can get food. Trumpets started playing while Garfield stood up high. "If I…. was full, I'll sleep."

.

.

.

.

.

"Did anyone see a string attached to his tail?" asked Patrick.

Everyone dressed Garfield as a king, but the people took this as a threat. "Ahhhh, new leader trying to overthrown the Wizard, kill him!"

They chased Garfield around, but stopped when they notice his bow. "That bow makes you look gay." So they all went home again. Roxas came back to tell them what the wizard said. "He said go away!" He marched back inside.

Our heroes' hopes died. "But but, who I'm I supposed to go home?" Achmed started crying. "The hobo told me that Aunt Cow will die. It's all my fault!"

Everyone started crying. "Whaaaaaaaa, you evil guard!" "How can you be so cruel?" The ones saying those words were not any of the actors. Achmed stopped crying and angrily looked at the audience. Stick and Rock was crying berserk while humiliating #52.

"Hey what the Hell are you doing?!" Peach started barking at the Hunters. "Your tears will be avenged!" "We'll convince the wizard to see you!"

Stick and Rock were about to go on stage, but #52 started slashing at them with his claws.

"Godzilla2915 you lousy self-promoter!" stated Achmed.

The next part was going to have the guard heartbroken by Dorothy's story; but do to some interruption, he was not in character.

(Spoiler to Kingdom Hearts 365/2 Days)

"I know I'm an nobody, but I just can't cry now." So one of the stage operators called over Xion and killed her. "Nooooo, who will I have ice cream with?!"

With the sadness in Roxas's heart or empty hole or whatever, he let them all inside.

As they walked through the hallway; Garfield's stomach was growling. "Hey keep that down!" demanded Achmed.

"Hey I'm hungry and I can't wait to see the Wizard." Achmed shoved Garfiald. "Just keep your stomach quiet!"

"Don't be hungry Garfield. We are almost to our destination." stated Optimus as his head was breaking the ceiling as he walks. "I have to use the bathroom." said Patrick.

Achmed turned to everyone. "Will you just be silent, I keel you! We should be at the wizard's room now and there he's .. he's …. Ahhhhh what is that!?"

In the Wizard's room; everyone watched in horror as the one playing the wizard was that CGI head in a glass jar from that Courage the Cowardly Dog episode about Courage being imperfect.

"You're not perfect ….."

The heroes screamed in fear. Garfield ran out of the room and jumped through the window. Hey, I know we just had that CGI head, but it's pretty funny how the Lion just runs away and jump through the window.

In the Wizard's room, the Wizard asked. "Get me the witch's broom." The heroes nodded and slowly walked out. Not saying another word.

**End of Chapter**

Every Death Mask left the theater; and outside #52 was scolding Stick and Rock. "What were you thinking? You don't know how much you humiliated me!"

Stick and Rock looked at each other. "What do you mean?" asked Stick. "We were just trying to get the guard to let Dorothy in." said Rock.

#52 started hopping. "You idiot, that is all just pretend! It's acting, you already know that!"

Stick and Rock looked at each other again. "We do?"

After a facepalm; #52 decides to go home. The two Hunters had no idea what #52 was talking about. "I don't know what you did, but we should do something for him." Stick's words inspired Rock. "Yeah, let's give him a hug."

But before they could do that, Roxas came and defeated them with his keyblades. "What are Heartless doing here?" he asked himself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After the wizard ordered Achmed and his friends to get the witches motor cycle (Yes I know I said broom in the last chapter. It was a mistake, please don't sacrifice me to Barney the Dinosaur!), they made their way to the haunted forest where they saw birds malfunctioning. They have to walk through the forest to get to Coco's Castle.

"Hey Garfield, what's with the hammer and butterfly net?" Everyone looked at Garfield. "I don't know, I was hungry."

They came to a sign, it reads, 'Witch's Castle up ahead. I turned back if I was alive, instead I'm just a sign.'

Garfield didn't smell food in the forest, so he walked the other way. Patrick and Optimus caught him though. "Don't be afraid." said Optimus. "What the matter, believe in spooks?" asked Patrick.

"Spooks? The correct term is ghost." said Garfield before yawning.

Then a ghost lifted Optimus up in the air and dropped him. Either that or it was a tree. "That was kind of pointless." said Optimus. "Yeah, that's the only spook in the whole story." Achmed said as he tried to help Optimus up.

"There's no pizza place here." stated Garfield.

Meanwhile; Coco was spying on them through her T.V. "Cosmo, get your fairies and get me Achmed. You can have your way with the other if you go that way, but don't harm the girl!" Cosmo saluted her and he flew out side and commanded the other fairies to get Achmed.

"Yes, Fly, fly! Ahhh ha ha ha ha …. AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh…(pow)." Coco fell off the balcony.

At the forest; all the fairies began flying around our heroes. Only thing was that they took it as a joke. "Oh look, the big bad witch sent her _fairies_ after us!" laughed Patrick. "They will not outmatch our strength." said Optimus. "They better have candy." said Garfield.

As they were laughing, Achmed was trying to tell them something. "Hey guys." He tried getting their attention, but they weren't listening. "HEY GUYSSSSSSSSSS!" The other heard Achmed finally and saw Achmed.

"These fairies are taking me and Peach away!" Everyone watch as Achmed and Peach were being kidnapped by fairies.

"Oh no, Achmed!" Optimus and Garfield tried catching up to them, but they had already flown too high. They were heading straight for the castle.

"That took too much out of me." Garfield fell fast asleep.

They heard Patrick calling. They saw that he was in pieces. "Oh it was terrible, they took my arms and threw them over there, and they took my legs and threw them over there, and they took little Patrick and-"

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

At the castle, Coco was petting Peach evilly. "What a dog! Shame if something will happen to her!" Coco started laughing.

Coco looked at the frightened Achmed. "It was awfully nice of you to visit me with my lonesome." Cosmo started crying. "What about me? I'm keeping you company!"

"Please don't hurt Peach! She'll cry and we will never hear the end of it!" Despite Achmed's words, Coco threatened to drown Peach. "Wait, please don't drown her, this isn't a 2D Mario adventure!" Achmed couldn't take it any longer. "Fine, you can have them!"

Coco was about to grab the Ruby Slippers, but they repealed her. "That's right, I should have known. You need to die a certain way!"

"But I'm already dead."

Coco became confused. "I ….. I'll think of something!"

Without anyone noticing, Peach made a run for it. "She's running from her captives!?" everyone became dumbfounded. Peach ran away from some Thumb Thumbs from Spy Kids and ran out of the castle. "Yes Peach, run away and be useful!"

Coco placed an hour glass on the table. "Once the sand runs out! ….. I'll be back!" She marched out of the room to find a way to get the slippers.

Achmed leaned on the old T.V. and started crying. "I'm scared, now someone please pop out of nowhere and calm me down!"

Then Aunt Cow suddenly appeared ….. on stage?! You cow, you're supposed to stand in front of the camera behind stage! Cow ran off stage and appeared on the T.V. "Achmed, where are you? Time to not play hide and seek!"

Achmed began banging on the T.V. "I'm here Aunt Cow, I'm locked in the witch's Castle and-" But then he smashed the T.V. screen. "… oh crap! This was a rental."

Far away from the Castle, Peach ran back to the three. She barked at them. "I think she want to lead us to Achmed." stated Patrick. "You think?" asked Optimus.

So Peach leads them to the castle. They climbed up a mountain and saw that the main entrance was guarded by Thumb Thumbs. "This is just great. First there's no food, second Achmed got captured, third the castle is being guarded, and finally those guys don't have mouths to sing Ohh eh oh!" said Garfield.

The cat got too lazy to go on. "You can't just quit." said Patrick. "It is our sworn duty to save our dear friend that we just met this morning!" said Optimus.

Garfield looked at the castle and notice there was a Food Court. "I'll do it!"

They climbed down closer to the castle and thought about their next plan, until …. Ahem, until ….. UNTILLLLL!" Patrick, Optimus, and Garfield looked behind them. "Hey, where are those guards?" asked Garfield.

The curtains suddenly closed, leaving the audience confused.

"What just happened?" asked Stick. #52 shook his head. "I knew that a play that cost three dollars and have their acts weeks apart will be pathetic." He turned to Stick and Rock. "Come on, let's just head back and …" But he noticed that they were gone.

"What the?!" He quickly looked around and saw Stick and Rock sneaking behind stage. "Are you serious!?" He had no choice but to follow them in.

He found them hiding behind some fake trees. He grabbed them by the head and started complaining quietly. "You two idiotic, worthless henchmen, what do you think you're doing?"

They started hearing complaining from the actors. "What's the big idea, where are they?" Garfield was complaining to Achmed. "They just called and said there sick in the last minute. I knew hiring family was an idiotic idea!"

"So now what?" asked Fry. "The Thumb Thumbs playing as the other guards are just one trick ponies. Where can we get three convenient minions to play this part?"

Stick and Rock suddenly got an idea. #52 knew exactly what it was. "Don't you even dare!" But Stick and Rock jumped out while carrying #52. "We can do it!" They said while holding on to #52.

Achmed started complaining. "Oh what a big shock! Another ad for the Cross-Over Crystals! Hey, why not just rename this the Cross-Over Crystals side adventure? That will increase the views and reviews for the real story twice as big. Yeah Godzilla2915, we can make everything a commercial! I'll get the millions of dollars you don't have and well buy some time on billboards, T.V., radio, online, and even on the phone book that will someday become just a fairy tale!?"

Coco calmed Achmed down. "Achmed, we have no choice!" Peach then said, "Bark, I mean this is just for one scene."

Achmed looked at the Heartless knock-offs and sighed. "Alright, but this better be the last ad for the Cross-Over Crystals, or anything else."

Stick and Rock jumped for joy and #52 dragged himself to Achmed. "Alright, what do we have to do?" Cow answered, "Oh nothing at all, you guys just jump at them behind some rocks and they'll do the rest." #52 started feeling better, "Well it can't be that bad."

Later on; the curtains were moved and the Death Masks jumped at the three heroes, only to be beaten the crap out of them. "Ow, ow, this is the last time I go anywhere with you two!"

As the Thumb Thumbs were going inside, the three heroes disguised themselves and followed the guards inside. The only problem was Optimus's size. The disguise was too small for him and when he entered the castle, he started crashing through everything as the castle surprisingly still stand, but it was a living Hell for anyone close by.

"Oh God, the castle!" "Helllllp!" "I'm too young to die!" "I was going to propose to my true love today!" "Mommy, Daddy!" "My leg!"

They lose the guards and Peach led them up the steps to where Achmed is being held. They stopped half way and heard something odd. "Is that 'Night on Bald Mountain' playing?" asked Garfield.

Patrick, Optimus, and Peach listened carefully. "It is! Disney's going to sue and kill us all!" said Optimus. "Michael Bay was a part of this too!"

They reach the door and asked to see if Achmed was in there. "Hey, this is the bathroom!" shouted Cosmo. "Can't a fairy have some privacy in the bathroom?"

Which kind?! HA … sorry.

They ran to the second door and knocked. "Achmed, are you in there?" asked Garfield. Achmed ran to the door and began banging. "You guys came back, now get me out! Coco will be back any second!"

Meanwhile, Coco was skimming through books. "I cannot believe that I do not know how to get those shoes off!" On one of the books, something caught Coco's eyes. "Walla, I've found it!" She skimmed through the page. "I … I ….. I have to marry the skeleton!?"

Back with the heroes, Optimus just simple ripped the door off. They all hugged each other and ran out of the room. They climbed down the stairs, but only to have the door shut right in front of them.

They looked up the steps and found Coco and Cosmo, only now Coco is dressed in a wedding dress. "You, dead man. We marry now!"

"What the F**k?" asked Achmed.

All the Thumb Thumbs came in and pointed their spears at them. "Achmed, we leave for Notre Dame now!"

Patrick noticed a rope tied to the wall that held the chandelier over the Thumb Thumbs. "I got it!" Coco threw the hour glass on the floor. "Why'd you do that?" asked Cosmo. "…. I really don't know."

Patrick took this opportunity. "I'll get …. Uhhhh get … uhhhhhhhhhhhh." Achmed kicked Patrick in the shin and he pulled the rope, making the chandelier fall right on the Thumb Thumbs.

Chase Scene!

So the Thumb Thumbs chased our heroes all around the castle while Optimus destroyed most of it and countless people die. They entered the weight room and Patrick tried to push a shelf of weights at the Thumb Thumbs; but being made of hay, it didn't work. The Thumb Thumbs tackled Patrick and took him away.

They later entered the castle's motor shop and Optimus stopped and saw a car being inspected. Two men are looking under the hood. "Looks like the breaks are almost warned out."

"This is just sick to me." He stated as two Thumb Thumbs jumped on Optimus and caught him. "Hey how come his logic thing doesn't work and mine do?" asked Patrick.

Later on, the remaining heroes found themselves in the food court. "Now Garfield, this is a very tempting place, so try … oh come on!" Achmed and Peach notice Garfield wasn't with them. They searched through each and every food stand except for one. "Garfield must be at this lasagna place."

When they got there, they tackled Garfield to the ground. "You idiot! You just had to be a fat cat and …. You're not the Garfield we were looking for!" said Achmed as he noticed he tackled the CGI Garfield from that live action movie. "Woooooaaaaah! Get off me! I was going to break dance and move my lips when I talk and use a non-lazy voice."

"The real Garfield is too lazy to dance anyway." Then the Thumb Thumbs took Achmed.

They all gathered the heroes around in one room. Coco walked in and sang. "Ring around the Rosey ….. hey, where's the cat?"

"Lion!"

The voice came from a room. Coco opened it and yelled. "My bon-bon room!" Garfield had now gained ten pounds and there was only three bon-bons left in a 12ft. x 23ft. room. The Thumb Thumbs took Garfield and dragged him to the others.

"Well now that I have you all here, Achmed will watch you burn as we get married!"

So Coco decided to lite the end of her motor cycle on fire. She lifts up the end and…..

(Crack)

"Someone help me!" Coco cried in pain.

So a chiropractor came and fixed Coco right up. She then ordered the Thumb thumbs to help pick the cycle up. They moved it to a torch and the back tire was lit on fire. "Now get it to the scarecrow!" They started wheeling it to Patrick, up it tipped over."

"How had the butterfinger?!"

One Thumb thumbs raised his thumb. "You're fired!"

They lifted the motor cycle back up and they got it to Patrick. "Ahhhhh, fire bad!" Patrick's arm was caught on fire and everyone was trying to get it out as Coco laughs. "Yes, burn the children's how you say, cash cow cartoon character."

Achmed started jogging in place in fear. He then eyed a bucket of water. "Excellent!" So Achmed reached PASSED the bucket and took a fire extinguisher. He sprayed it onto Patrick and then on Coco.

"Hey, get this stuff off me.." Then the foam was being shot into Coco's mouth. She choked and gaged as her face turned purple and her eyes began bulging out. "Liquid!" she weakly called out. Achmed handed her the bucket of water.

She chugged all down. "Oh, that was a … was that water….. and was that used to clean the floor?!"

Achmed shook his head yes in fear.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm melting!"

She began smoking as she sank into the floor. "Who could have thought that a …" But then the trap door Coco was using as a felting effect started malfunctioning. "Oh cr-" Then the trap door shot her high into the air.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" She crashed right through the floor as stage equipment fell from the ceiling.

They stared into the ceiling.

Achmed moved to the side of the stage. "Will she be o.k.?" Someone whisper to just go with it.

"Oh no, she melted and her body went up to heaven!" explained Cosmo. The Thumb thumbs gathered around our heroes. "I didn't do it!"

"You defeated the Wicked Witch!" said a Thumb thumbs. "Hail Achmed!" All the Thumb thumbs bowed down to Achmed. "Ha, the terrorist wins! Next we will blow up …. Wait. Once we conquer everything, what will we do next?"

The Thumb thumbs continued to cheer. "Hail Achmed, you freed us from Coco and now … we're jobless!"

The Thumb thumbs got up and pointed their spears at our heroes. "Ahhhhhh, kill Patrick!" plead Achmed. The Thumb thumbs were about to kill our heroes, but then smoke started to appear. "We forgot to put the motor cycle's fire out!"

They saw the fire getting close to the gas tank. "Run!"

The vehicle exploded and countless of thumbs were thrown everywhere. All that remained were our heroes, and Cosmo. Seeing the threat is dead, Optimus picked the motor cycle up, well what remains.

"The Wizard didn't say he wanted it in one piece."

So our heroes now have the motor cycle and now Oz is free from the child hating lady. Garfield turned to Cosmo and asked what he will do next.

"Well I guess me and the other fairies will make a hay stack of the old witch which will bring her back to life for some reason. Then you and your dog will come back even though this was all a dream so Dic can actually make money with a classic story."

So they bid Cosmo goodbye as he starts planning for that plot-hole plan.

"Well guys, we just now go to Coal City in the next scene and …."

**NEXT TIME**

"God damit!"

**End of Chapter**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Final part**

Our heroes entered Oz's palace with the remains of Coco's motor cycle.

"You've guys actually did it?! I mean, you're not perfect."

Achmed became insulted. "Alright mister 'You're Not Perfect' we got the motor cycle like you've asked for."

Patrick turned over a cardboard box and out came the pieces. "And you didn't say nothing about bringing it in one piece, so ha!" Patrick stuck his tongue out.

"So you liquidized her?" asked the Wizard.

"Liquidized?" the heroes looked at each other with confusion.

More smokes and explosions were happening around the wizard. "You're not perfect, come back tomorrow!"

"What, I wanna go home now! I want it, I want it!" Achmed started acting like a spoiled bastard as his friends stood up for her.

"You cannot go back on your promise!" stated Optimus. "Yeah." was the only thing Garfield had to say. "We're not leaving this very spot!" said Patrick.

The wizard had enough of the heroes' back-talking. "Enough, don't arouse me!"

"Arouse!?"

Peach then notice something behind a curtain with a sigh saying 'Please do not pull! I beg you!'. She walked toward it and pulled it away to reveal Fry in his underwear, sitting on a beanbag chair, playing something on the T.V. while he spoke the wizard's exact words through a microphone.

"What … the f**k?"

Achmed, and everyone gathered around Fry. He turned his head at them and shrieked. He pulled the curtain away and the wizard shout, "Pay no attention to the attractive man with the huge wiener. Don't bother checking, it's big! Oh he's also a millionaire with a talking horse!"

Achmed pulled the curtains and asked who the hell he is. "Why I am …. The Wizard of Oz."

"You!" everyone shouted. "You're just some loser pretending to be some big shot." Achmed turned to the fake. "I bet that's some lousy CGI hologram!"

"Actually, that's my secretary. I was only doing most of the words besides 'you're not perfect'."

They all turned to the secretary. "You're not perfect."

"Still scary as Hell but you're not actually a wizard! Bad infidel, bad!"

Fry looked down with grief. "I'm not a bad infidel; I'm actually a good guy, just a sucky wizard."

"So you're saying you won't help us out?" asked Patrick.

"Well for my defense; you guys just barged right in expecting I will just wait on you hand and foot! Were you hoping I would just do all that stuff for free? Also, I'll actually help you."

Fry took out a book. "Hey Patrick, you want a brain. Who needs it? Here's the only book you need." Fry gave Patrick a book about the world in the eyes of the author.

"Hey, that was written by Osama Bin Laden! Are you saying he has stupid ideas?" Achmed glared at Fry while holding a bomb.

"That's a common fact bone guy."

Patrick began dancing around. "Oh boy, oh boy! Wait, I can't read."

"Oh well, next is the cat!"

"Lion." said Garfield.

Fry kneeled down to Garfield. "Garfield, you've mistaken hunger for wisdom."

"Nooooooo. I'm hungry! My stomach will start eating what's left of me. I'll slowly be as skinny as that guy!" said Garfield pointing at Patrick.

"Here's some lasagna." Fry handed Garfield a container of lasagna. Garfield immediately took it and hoards it down.

Fry looked up at Optimus. "You say you want a heart. Doesn't that Spark thing count?"

"Wait, it does count!" Optimus cheered. "Our mission was successful."

Achmed looked at everyone. "Wait, wasn't I supposed to say that all this stuff is fake and you guys had what you were looking for all along. The lion was brave enough to go in the castle, the scarecrow thought of that chandelier plan, and the Tin Man freaken crys a lot!"

The friends finally took notice of Achmed. "Hey, what about Achmed?"

Achmed then said, "I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me. Oh, what about a weapon of mass destruction?"

Fry thought about a solution. "Guess I could just take you there myself."

Achmed gasped with joy. "Really, you can?"

Fry put his hand on his chest and pointed upwards. "Why yes. I was at Kansas before. I took a balloon there. I have no idea how the laws of physic works about that world and Oz, nor have I yet to see 'Oz, the Great and Powerful' but I'm sure the same way in is also the same why out! Follow me!"

So Fry took everyone to his Balloon as Peach barks about anything for her. She was given a dog treat and all of Coal City gathered around to see Fry and Achmed's journey back to Kansas, unfortunately Fry's balloon was just a small red party balloon on a string.

Fry gave a guilty smile as Achmed just popped the balloon with a pin. "You ….. You tried and pass that party favor as my ticket home!? I keel you!"

Fry suddenly burst out laughing. "I …. I pranked you so good! I'm …. I'm gonna pee!"

Fry then pointed to the actual hot air balloon with a picture of a Cyclops named Leela in a bikini. Fry, Achmed, and Peach boarded the balloon. Fry gave a speech to his people. "O.K. I'm going to drop this guy and his dog off to some parallel Dimension. I'll be back in ten minutes."

Fry patted Patrick on the back. "This guys in charge when I'm gone. Also that lion will handle the food preparation and that giant robot with weapons that will take care of any invasion will work as a chimney sweep."

"Geeze, and I thought George Bush was bad."

So they were all ready to float back to Kansas, but thank for Peach's stupidity. She jumped out of the basket to chase after an orangutan. "Peach, you idiot! Get the Hell back here!"

Achmed told Fry to stay and he ran out of the basket, but it was too late. The balloon was floating in the sky as nobody does a damn thing to stop it. I mean really, Dorothy just ran after Toto and nobody thought to make sure the balloon does not float away?

Achmed saw Fry floating away as he came back with Peach. "Hey, I told you to stay!"

"Sorry, I don't know how it works." Fry admitted.

"…..What?!"

So Fry floated away far from Coal City, never to be heard from again. Well in that Dic show, the main plot of the series was to get the Wizard back on the ground, soooooooo I don't know how it all ends. That cartoon studio was crap anyways, except for making Sonic Satam!

"Well this sucks." said Achmed.

Garfield began crying. "I heard global warming will cause wheat to become extinct. We need that for lasagna!"

"That's the only thing you have to say you fat cat!? Well guess what, dogs are number 1 bitch!" Garfield responded by tracking his claws. "Oh crap."

After some vicious scratches, Patrick saw a bubble coming toward them. "Uuuuuh, a bubble!" The bubble of coarse is Gandolf.

"Oh great, the drag queen again!"

Gandolf walked toward Achmed. "Hey wizard, that Fry wizard suck. Do you know any other way to get back home?"

Gandolf laughed a bit. "That won't be necessary. You hold the power to get back home all along."

"WHAT!?" shouted Achmed. "What do you mean I had a way all this time!? Tell me now damn it!" Patrick asked Gandolf why he didn't tell Achmed before.

"Oh that is because you wouldn't believe me at first."

"Not believing!? A tornado picked up my damn house which somehow landed me in another dimension with little people, witches, talking object people and trees, people in bubbles, and some large hologram head! What's in this world that's not believable!?"

"Actually you need to learn a lesson." said Gandolf.

Optimus asked Achmed what he'd learned. "Well let's see. It wasn't enough to just wanting to see my aunt and uncle again, and it was that if I ever look for my heart desire, I only needed to look in my own backyard because if it isn't there, I hadn't lost it in the first place. … What does that mean?"

"Well it means that running away from home won't find you happiness." explained Gandolf. "Because true happiness is with your loved ones you live with."

"Oh I get it, the moral is running away from home is wrong. Even if you did a bad thing or you don't feel loved enough ….. THAT WASN'T THE F**KING REASON WHY I'D LEFT! COCO WAS GOING TO KILL MY F**KING DOG! I WAS TRYING TO SAVE HER BY TAKING HER FAR AWAY FROM THAT CHILD HATING WHORE! ANOTHER THING, I RAN BACK BECAUSE MY AUNT WAS DIEING! I'D LEARNED THAT LESSSON ALREADY!"

Gandolf laughed again. "Now those shoes will take you back home."

"Finally!" sighed Achmed. He turned to his three friends that he made in Oz. Patrick the Scarecrow, Optimus Prime the Tin Man, and Garfield the Cat, "Lion!" They have been with Achmed almost since the beginning. Achmed looked at each of their faces. They too know they may never see their friend again. Their eyes began leaking knowing they will be given a proper farewell from Achmed

"Bye Rednecks!"

Achmed quickly turned to Gandolf. "Don't bother explaining, we all already know how these damn shoes work!"

Achmed quickly tapped her shoes saying 'There's no place like home' before his three friends could say anything about Achmed's insult.

The curtains close and the Death Masks could hear all the noises behind stage. "Come on, put your backs into it!" "Did you hear my lines, I'm a star!" "Hey Tony, bring it over here!" "I don't remember where I'm supposed to be, Whaaaaa!" "Hey shut up Cow! I'm gonna tell mom!" (Crack) "Damn it, we broke that cup!" "Who gives a sh#t!" "Hey don't talk back to me!" "That's what you mama said!"

The Death Masks stared as they heard the fighting going on.

"Hey you two, stop it now or I keel you!" (Crash) "That's it; I keel you till you're dead!"

(BOOM)

Smoke began coming out from the curtains. "Damn it Achmed, we need a new set." "Sorry!" "Now we need a distraction." "I know, get that 'You're not Perfect' guy out!"

So two stage crew brought out the CGI thing. "You're not perfect …" He continued saying that for an hour as the Death Masks shivered in fear.

"O.K.! Everything's complete!"

The stage crew took the horror away and the curtains opened to show Achmed in bed.

"There's no place like shome. Damn it! There's no place like hume. Damn it! There's no place like hoe, Damn it!"

Then Aunt Cow placed a wet towel on his forehead. "I used my own milk."

Achmed suddenly woke up. "Aunt Cow, Uncle Monkey?"

"Yes, it's us." said Aunt Cow.

Fry then came to the window. "Hello, just your average stranger here just checking in your daughter through the window."

Monkey shrieked.

"But I did leave you guys Uncle Monkey. I tried to get back to you for days and days. Wait, I thought that whole adventure was only a few. Let's see; I landed in that kid town, met scarecrow, then tin-guy, the lion, went to Coal City, met the wizard, go to the witch's place at night, when back to the city, then left home during the day. Sounds like only two days."

Then Patrick, Garfield, and Optimus came in as Optimus break through the house.

"Hey, you're not dead. Darn it, I like this room." said Patrick.

"Hey, I went to a place with you guys in it. You were there, you were there, you were there, you were there, I saw a vision of you on a T.V." Achmed looked at Uncle Monkey. "You weren't."

"Uhhh I think she has head damage." stated Aunt Cow.

"No, it was real! I was knocked out cold and landed in bed. Then the tornado brought me to Oz with odd things called colors. Then I met you three guys as a scarecrow, metal guy, and a lion."

"Cat!"

"Then I met an evil witch and Gandolf in drag telling me all ugly people are evil. Then I met you three and together we went to see the wizard. Then I killed a bitch by pouring water one her, then the wizard was a fake and Gandolf told me to clap my shoes together to go home! Then I woke up here."

Everyone was silent.

'Damn you guys! But hey, I won't ever run away again even though it was to protect my dog!"

Peach climbed up to Achmed in bed. "Bark?" she asked while being just as confused like the rest of them. Achmed hugged Peach. "There's no place like home!"

**The E**-

"Wait a minute!"

Achmed looked around. "I could have sworn we were forgetting something important!"

"Oh yes you have."

Everyone turned to the door with shock. "It's Coco!" everyone shouted.

Coco glared at everyone while holding a butterfly net. "I'm here for the dog. You thought I would just give that Nazi an empty basket and never come back?"

Achmed shivered. "Please tell me the reason she didn't interfere was that the tornado killed her in the actual book ….. anyone?"

Coco caught Peach in the net and ran off. "Peach, I'll save you!"

They ran outside and Coco jumped on here bike. "I've figured out how to get a Nazi to kill a blonde with blue eyes like you!" She took out something. "Now but this large fake noise on and-"

"Coco, we're not allowed to make fun of races." said someone off stage.

"Oh, then I'll say you have special needs and-"

"Either the born different way or the sexual way, both aren't allowed."

"Rrrr, Then I'll tell him you believe in a God."

"The government doesn't want to talk about religion."

"Oh that's just an excuse to not pay money for Holiday decorations! How about I just tell them that Peach does not think that 'Adolf Hitler said so' is not a scientific fact?"

"That works."

So Coco pedaled toward the Nazi sheriff.

"Not on my watch!" Achmed jumped onto her tricycle and chased after Coco.

So they chase on the dirt road began. Achmed was catching up to Coco quickly. She noticed this and took out a box of tacks and dropped them on the ground. Achmed narrowly dodged each tack while other bicyclists behind them weren't so lucky.

They came to a rocky path and the two started shaking. Peach was going to fall out of the basket. So Achmed tried reaching for her. Coco reached down for a rock and threw it at Achmed's head. She grabbed Peach and she pedaled faster.

Achmed ignored the damage on his head and kept on pedaling to save Peach.

A busy street was up ahead with cars passing by. Coco pedaled faster and drove on the street. Cars honked at her as she passed almost all the cars.

Achmed came to the street and realized the danger. So he spoofed Frogger to get across while losing a life.

Achmed saw Coco at the Sheriff office. "Oh no, I'm too late."

Coco laughed evilly. "Now you will see your precious dog die!" Coco knocked on the door and out came the sheriff. "You, kill this dog! She doesn't think Hitler controls the universe!"

The sheriff cleared his throat. "Actually, I'm not a Nazi anymore."

"Whaaaaaat!?"

Then an incredible sexy woman came out of the office. "This here's a Jewish woman. I did it with her last night and suddenly I realized that Hitler is an ass****."

Achmed walked to the office. "So I guess sex with Jews stops Nazism."

Then everyone from the play; including Patrick, Optimus, Garfield, Cow, Monkey, Fry, the children, Gandolf, Roxas, Cosmo, the Thumb Thumbs, and the background characters gathered around and hold hands. They waved back and forth as they sang a song that was written in seconds.

"Oh Hitler is a dumbass, he makes his people stupid, but if we get to f**k with what he hates, we'll learn Hitler actually made us his bitches!"

They all bowed and the curtains closed. All the Death Masks cheered for their performance.

"Wasn't that great Stick?" asked Rock. "You betch ya! What do you think #52?" asked Stick.

"What do I think ….." The three Death Masks were now in casts from their part in the play. "Look at what you guys done! I won't be able to walk in another month!"

Rock patted him on the head. "Don't worry, I'm sure the next time a Childhood Hating Parody happens, it could be Jurassic Park."

#52 raised his voice. "You idiot, almost everyone's doing stuff relating to Jurassic Park! What can they bring that's new and fresh? They'll probably just have characters from the same series they've already did!"

Achmed was listening to their conversation. He took out a cellphone and called someone. "Cancel the project for like maybe in the fall or something."

**The End**

Character List:

Dorothy – Achmed from Jeff Dunham performances

Toto – Peach from Super Mario series

Aunt Um – Cow from Cow and Chicken

Uncle Henry – Monkey from Dexter Laboratory

Witch/whoever – Coco from Rugrats in Paris

Glinda – Gandolf the Grey from Lord of the Rings

Munchkin – random children from other places

Scarecrow/whoever – Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants

Tin Man/whoever – Optimus Prime from Transformers

Cowardly Lion/whoever – Garfield from Garfield

Talking Tree – Wispy Woods from Kirby series

Gate keeper, Carriage Driver, Guard – Roxas from Kingdom Hearts series

Wizard of Oz – That scary CGI thing from Courage the Cowardly Dog / Fry from Futurama

Main Flying Monkey – Cosmo from Fairly Odd Parents

Winkie Guards – Thumb Thumbs from Spy Kids. (Yes, they're actually called Winkie Guards)

Extra- Chicken, Ganon, Xion, life-action CGI Garfield

Original – Death Masks, Stick, Rock, and #52.

**Yeah I'm done with advertising Cross-Over Crystals, even though it's almost over which will soon have some action-pack fighting and a huge reveal about ….. Damn it, not again!"**


End file.
